I just realized something tonight. It came upon me like a Mack truck. I just don't love you anymore.
There's nowhere for me to run, nowhere to hide. I just don't love you anymore. I don't know what made me fall out of love with you, or if I even loved you in the first place. I really don't know. All I know is that, if I ever did love you, I don't anymore.
I feel like you treat me like a roommate instead of a girlfriend or fiancee, which is what we were supposed to be, engaged to be married. I don't understand why you treat me this way but, like so many people have told me, I can do so much better. I have learned from past relationships that when everyone around you, outside the relationship, tells you that you shouldn't be treated this way and that you can do so much better, they are right and it is time to end the relationship.
I never wanted to do this to you, because I know that you feel like you need me, but I just can't do this anymore. I can't be beaten down and treated like shit by someone that is supposed to be my significant other. I went through that with Jake and I can't do that again. I've done it too long already. I need to get out on my own and be my own woman and learn that I can be successful without being attached to someone. I don't have to have a man to be attractive or to be fun or to be who I want to be. In fact, the only way I can be who I am is to be single and not attached to anyone.
Every time I have been in a relationship, he has tried to change me in some way. Change the way I look, the way I act, the people I talk to, the activities I like, the sports I like to watch, any number of other things. I want to be myself and not have to answer to someone about where I am going when I just want to take a walk to get out of the house for a while. I don't want to feel like I have a babysitter at 24 years old. And that's how he has made me feel, since we met. I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now. I can't be with someone that wants to change everything about me, or that isn't happy with me.
Maybe that means that I am destined to be alone but I think I'd be fine with that. If I could only get a sure sign of what is supposed to happen. Then I would know for sure what I'm supposed to do, whether there is someone out there for me. Maybe I'm expecting too much from men. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I just haven't met "the one", if he even exists. I have heard that changing for the right reason, the right PERSONAL reason, is the only way to change and stay changed, but I haven't found the right reason to change, personal or otherwise. I don't get the feeling that there is anyone for me, other than random relationships throughout my life. I don't feel as if I'll ever truly find someone to be with, other than a relationship with no clear future.
Isn't there supposed to be one person for everyone? Or have I lost my chance at true happiness?
Maybe that means that I am destined to be alone but I think I'd be fine with that. If I could only get a sure sign of what is supposed to happen. Then I would know for sure what I'm supposed to do, whether there is someone out there for me. Maybe I'm expecting too much from men. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I just haven't met "the one", if he even exists. I have heard that changing for the right reason, the right PERSONAL reason, is the only way to change and stay changed, but I haven't found the right reason to change, personal or otherwise. I don't get the feeling that there is anyone for me, other than random relationships throughout my life. I don't feel as if I'll ever truly find someone to be with, other than a relationship with no clear future.
Isn't there supposed to be one person for everyone? Or have I lost my chance at true happiness?
