Sometimes, I just feel like walking into the lake and not allowing my head to come back above water. It's been so long since I actually thought that I was going to be fine and be able to provide for myself, that I wonder if that's even possible anymore. Maybe I am a failure, like my egg donor's parents said 16 years ago. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore about all of this, how I'm feeling, because my grandma, dad, and older brother (not that I really talked to my brother) are all in Florida, and my best friend has her family 2 hours away. Yea, I live with a friend and co-worker, but we aren't that close where I can tell him things that are bothering me, or issues that I'm having with trying to stay away from the guy that knocked me up then went to jail for domestic abuse, only to be sentenced to just disorderly conduct and receive 18 months probation. 


I can't do this on my own, but I know I'm going to have to learn quickly how to, because there is no one else I can count on but myself. (Although there are days (more often than not) when I really just want to climb into bed and have someone else make all the decisions for me.)